You’ve got to carry your love. It will be heavy and strength is required. For precisely this reason we must evaluate our multitude of efforts to discover where we are inconsistently showing up. Life is too often like riding a wave: speed and momentum build while we surf towards a seemingly endless sun until we crash into a violent ocean with a sea of obstacles beneath. While it’s rarely easy, we get better at getting up and falling less. Balance comes from recognition of where pressure is applied, yet too often we overlook the pressure points we are less comfortable with. In an effort to maintain positive focus, I have the tendency to let my lesser qualities slide until they catch up with me in one way or the other. A friend of mine instilled in me a useful notion for these times lacking the usual fluidity, “Stay on path.”
It won’t happen all at once and it doesn’t need to. This morning I organized my room to help me get back on path. I did my laundry, put away my clothes which had been lingering since before my most recent Hilton Head Island and Hoxeyville adventure, returned bottles, purchased groceries, completed paperwork for a job as a caregiver, edited some photos, wrote a little bit, and worked out for the first time in a month. The only way to feel better is to be. Shake off your tendency to hide and retreat from essential and productive activities. You’ve got to carry your love, especially when it isn’t fun or romantic. You’ve got to find the beauty in the minutiae that is discipline and routine, without letting it be the death of your spontaneity. Speaking of which, I have just decided to write everyday without exception. I must will myself back into a creative rhythm for the benefit of myself and those around me. I carry my love in the ink on the skin of my wrists, but they are only words without certain action. Today is a good day to get out bed and tend to your foundation so you too can carry your love. Today is a good day to let your fear and feel of unknowing dictate or limit the direction you are going. To feel I must be present in my breath, duty to myself, and duty to others. Without consistencies we second guess each passing present holding our breath hoping it gets better without manifesting the momentum to move forward. Progress is tangible though not always visible. Doing is real before it is done because you are on your way and that’s a good start. You can’t change if you don’t start.
And you cannot evolve if you don’t see to these changes you intended, each day you wake and each night you sleep. It is impossible to keep all agendas at the forefront of focus and perspective, but we must check in to each of these independent yet intertwined sectors of our life for evaluation. Business these days seems all about metrics and predictable outcomes; let me tell you in advance the only predictable outcome of living is that it will be your greatest masterpiece despite the varying strokes along the way. What if I was to tell you that you are born with the smallest chance to be extraordinary? But each day you live intentionally, focused and willing to adjust, your odds at such a magnificent experience grow with your willingness to do so. The gift children have given me over the past year in the classroom is one I recommend for everyone. A child is pure, moved by joy, and his or her perpetual willingness to learn. Rarely are they worried about yesterday because their now focused perception demands every ounce of their focus to balance their vivacious energy. The students of FCMA reminded me that my old soul is balanced by the very same joy and energy and that is my gift in this lifetime which translates to wherever I so choose to focus my time. Children love me because I love them and would rather do what it takes to improve their day than satisfy organizational protocols. As a man who makes a living in a number of ways, people are often curious which or what I love most, or what would be my dream job; over the last six months I have come to terms that I love humans the most and they are the common denominator in my life masterpiece. Until recently I wasn’t sure in what capacity I would continue teaching, but today it is clear that I will return to the classroom in whatever capacity I am able, because my old soul needs a proper dose of presence most readily discovered in the eyes of a child.
I am grateful for my friends who helped me find a home for my substitute teaching efforts. I enjoy the comfort of returning to the same school each day where I continue to grow alongside increasingly familiar families, friends, and coworkers. Teachers have a tough hand that seems rarely talked about these days; a simultaneous struggle between building a relationship and educating a child, while jumping through bureaucratic hoops and dodging bullets in the forms of misguided and hurtful emails from parents who are quick to point a finger without considering the three staring right back at them. Montessori is a beautiful educational solution made difficult by inconsistent parent-child/teacher-child relationships. Montessori is not a solution for a child who has exhausted other educational models, nor is it successful until a child’s home embraces a similar philosophy. Too often teachers are left to accommodate for the inadequacies of parenting, all the while being scrutinized for it simultaneously. At the end of the day, yes parenting and teaching is difficult, but the likelihood of success (learning!) is significantly improved with reciprocity. Another word for reciprocity just so happens to be balance; once more it is our ability to focus our energy on the activities or efforts where success is less present that will ensure streamlined growth and evolution.
There are few problems in this world for which we are not the origin; which on a positive note means we are capable of discovering solutions once we open our eyes and accept our role in all things beautiful and devastating; we are not helpless, exhale. The life experience is intimidating when we allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by the faulty infrastructure present in all things; meditation enables the individual to focus on something so simple as breath to counteract the darkness of doubt with the illumination of learning and growth. Growth occurs when and where we least expect it; and that is precisely when, where and why we need it most! Great satisfaction is derived from a roadblock navigated, a storm survived, and panic transformed to ease. Our emotional grid often holds the cipher to even the most exhausting enigmas, so we must care for our bodies, trust our hearts, and slow our minds.
“If you never get lost then you never get found.”