This pain kills me

Deep, internal, it doesn’t belong in a heart so strong

What I would give for no others to live the way I do

Surrounded by so many- yet virtually without anything at all

No end in site

No hope for tonight

Tomorrow just the same

What can I do to bring change?

Is this my punishment for a life of good deeds?

Is this where ensuring the happiness of those around me did lead?

I ask, because after all of this time passed I am still without answer

Nothing that makes rationale sense of any of this

I live without waiting, because it has always seemed without hope

Do you know how troubling it is for me to say such words?

Without hope

How am I to lead this revolution of love and passion with none of my own?

It is running out

I am being spread too thin

How much longer will I keep my head up?

Without any give, any sign, or reason to endure

I exist internally

It is the only place where I can be honest with myself

And lately, the more honest I am, the more I fear I am right

The more I write these words, the more they open my eyes

What I have come to see brings chills to my bones

My hands quiver as I type

A familiar tune that reminds me once more how far I am displaced from the world of love

How about that for irony?

A romantic with enough sophrosine to let go

Waiting is the hardest part they say

I stopped waiting a long time ago

A simple suffocating truth

Please not another breath of this misery

It is too familiar

A friend

A reflection

A shadow I grew tired trying to outrun

Just another lost cause

Lost because

Lost without

Lost with little doubt that any of this is madness at all

How far can a man fall?

To what depths does darkness reach?

For what sins am I suffering I beseech!

Is there a lesson to teach?

Or do I grow weak because the peace I seek- will never be.