This pain kills me
Deep, internal, it doesn’t belong in a heart so strong
What I would give for no others to live the way I do
Surrounded by so many- yet virtually without anything at all
No end in site
No hope for tonight
Tomorrow just the same
What can I do to bring change?
Is this my punishment for a life of good deeds?
Is this where ensuring the happiness of those around me did lead?
I ask, because after all of this time passed I am still without answer
Nothing that makes rationale sense of any of this
I live without waiting, because it has always seemed without hope
Do you know how troubling it is for me to say such words?
How am I to lead this revolution of love and passion with none of my own?
It is running out
I am being spread too thin
How much longer will I keep my head up?
Without any give, any sign, or reason to endure
I exist internally
It is the only place where I can be honest with myself
And lately, the more honest I am, the more I fear I am right
The more I write these words, the more they open my eyes
What I have come to see brings chills to my bones
My hands quiver as I type
A familiar tune that reminds me once more how far I am displaced from the world of love
How about that for irony?
A romantic with enough sophrosine to let go
Waiting is the hardest part they say
I stopped waiting a long time ago
A simple suffocating truth
Please not another breath of this misery
It is too familiar
A shadow I grew tired trying to outrun
Just another lost cause
Lost with little doubt that any of this is madness at all
How far can a man fall?
To what depths does darkness reach?
For what sins am I suffering I beseech!
Is there a lesson to teach?
Or do I grow weak because the peace I seek- will never be.