40 minutes to kill
this void to fill
never been able to find it in a pill
may have tried
may have died
maybe this is just punishment for another life
maybe I failed- maybe I fled
Left something that mattered- looking too far ahead
It seemed certain to be better
At least different
Run for miles to find you havn’t moved an inch
They told me it was the definition of insanity
But how could such clarity be suitable for the insane?
Nothing is insane- in-evtable- I’d believe that
35 minutes left
Exhault another breath from my chest
So long this heart has been at rest
Not a risk- hardly anything- hardly anything..
A different tune could beat
A different drum from different bands could be
Something unexplained- unexpected-
Even something beautiful.
Not like the beauty you know, that would be too simple
Hard to go there- this reality- our? reality- or just my, perception.
Good things seems to hide under the radar of perception- or maybe just appreciation
It’s different. Than what?
30 minutes. Until another tick tocks- this work days stops- and the part of my life that I enjoy resumes
Leave this part in the ruins
That is why I must write it out
Like walking out an injury
Get it out of me
Until there is no more
Out the door- minus the baggage
Leave it behind- never to find- never to care
That is what is different.
Different than you.
Yesterday you felt connected by a mutual hopelessness
hardly a connection
rather shared infection
the exception to the rule
the acceptance of lethargic rule
Sure it is easy to be passionate.
But what happens when the passion is for not- what have you got?
Feel the fire- need something to.. feel again
Seek the pain- test your thresholds
Dance above and below your limits- forget to resist- instead persist
challenge defiance- release your reliance on practical control
Lose the whole-
Why still be concerned with this end goal
Mutual burial in the hole-
In the earth
in the ground
only memory in sound
of Suits and overdressed crying
To themselves- to all in witness
For what? God. each other? difficult to say.
Bow their heads and pray,
maybe just think of the light they left on in the kitchen
or what they’re going to make for dinner.
Can’t blame them.
We are self sustaining creatures.
I am me- you you- nothing else.
Interrupted by the reminder that life comes and goes- takes and grows
Into, and out of- nothing.
Not a thing we can do to change it.
Change existence- or our need to define it?
To find meaning in questions. So many questions.
A trail of bread crumbs leading to the gingerbread house in Transylvania
A small cover…/ vast cover for our insecurity- fear of being/dying alone
There are no double coffins.
Only double beds.
Sleep in the ones you make-
especially the ones you take.
In death- in passing-
What does the obituary say?
He was loved? He had a good job, he will be missed.
Tell a story of the first time I tripped acid
Or got the shit kicked out of me by my older brother.
Give them/me something real.
An ounce/chance to be remembered, not like heroes/villians are remembered
This is hardly an ode to joy- ode to anything
A means to and end
My words shall lend
A compliant partner in crime
For the very first time
A man admitting he is healthy and insane
Keeps his straight jacket under his suit
Like Clark Kent
Waiting for you
Where is this army of insane and empowered?
When will it be our hour to leash out against the plain and uncorrupted?
Why must the religious and political and exceptional maintain such control?
They are the minority
How many people do you know that don’t drink or steal or burn or snort or go to church or school or work or or or or
there is no defintition of our kind
we are- everyone
Yet still we pretend to be that which we are not
Hindered by childrens stories in a book that should have been placed with Dr. Suis only lacking such intelligence
Pile into your pews
Please everyone sit for the news
They have all gathered
From every land
Just to see that they are not the only ones
I have told them yet they still demand more
Our american way
Our human way
the most dangerous game.