40 minutes to kill

this void to fill

never been able to find it in a pill

may have tried

may have died

maybe this is just punishment for another life

maybe I failed- maybe I fled

Left something that mattered- looking too far ahead

It seemed certain to be better

Different

At least different

Run for miles to find you havn’t moved an inch

They told me it was the definition of insanity

But how could such clarity be suitable for the insane?

Nothing is insane- in-evtable- I’d believe that

35 minutes left

Exhault another breath from my chest

So long this heart has been at rest

Not a risk- hardly anything- hardly anything..

A different tune could beat

A different drum from different bands could be

Something unexplained- unexpected-

Even something beautiful.

Not like the beauty you know, that would be too simple

something Different.

Something, real?

Hard to go there- this reality- our? reality- or just my, perception.

Good things seems to hide under the radar of perception- or maybe just appreciation

It’s different. Than what?

30 minutes. Until another tick tocks- this work days stops- and the part of my life that I enjoy resumes

Leave this part in the ruins

That is why I must write it out

Like walking out an injury

Get it out of me

Until there is no more

Out the door- minus the baggage

Leave it behind- never to find- never to care

Carefree- free

Me.

That is what is different.

Different than you.

Yesterday you felt connected by a mutual hopelessness

hardly a connection

rather shared infection

the exception to the rule

the acceptance of lethargic rule

Sure it is easy to be passionate.

But what happens when the passion is for not- what have you got?

Feel the fire- need something to.. feel again

Seek the pain- test your thresholds

Dance above and below your limits- forget to resist- instead persist

challenge defiance- release your reliance on practical control

Lose the whole-

Why still be concerned with this end goal

Mutual burial in the hole-

In the earth

in the ground

only memory in sound

of Suits and overdressed crying

Lying

To themselves- to all in witness

For what?  God. each other? difficult to say.

Bow their heads and pray,

maybe just think of the light they left on in the kitchen

or what they’re going to make for dinner.

Can’t blame them.

We are self sustaining creatures.

I am me- you you- nothing else.

Interrupted by the reminder that life comes and goes- takes and grows

Into, and out of- nothing.

Not a thing we can do to change it.

Change it.

Change existence- or our need to define it?

To find meaning in questions. So many questions.

Pointless questions.

A trail of bread crumbs leading to the gingerbread house in Transylvania

An absurdity

An ideal

A small cover…/ vast cover for our insecurity- fear of being/dying alone

There are no double coffins.

Only double beds.

Sleep in the ones you make-

especially the ones you take.

In death- in passing-

What does the obituary say?

He was loved? He had a good job, he will be missed.

Save it.

Tell a story of the first time I tripped acid

Or got the shit kicked out of me by my older brother.

Give them/me something real.

An ounce/chance to be remembered, not like heroes/villians are remembered

Just remembered.

25 minutes

This is hardly an ode to joy- ode to anything

A means to and end

My words shall lend

A compliant partner in crime

For the very first time

A man admitting he is healthy and insane

Keeps his straight jacket under his suit

Like Clark Kent

Waiting for you

Where is this army of insane and empowered?

When will it be our hour to leash out against the plain and uncorrupted?

Why must the religious and political and exceptional maintain such control?

They are the minority

How many people do you know that don’t drink or steal or burn or snort or go to church or school or work or or or or

there is no defintition of our kind

we are- everyone

Yet still we pretend to be that which we are not

Hindered by childrens stories in a book that should have been placed with Dr. Suis only lacking such intelligence

Pile into your pews

Please everyone sit for the news

So great

So grand

They have all gathered

From every land

near

Far

Here

There

Round

Square

Blue

green

you

me

Just to see that they are not the only ones

I have told them yet they still demand more

Demand it

Our american way

Our human way

Natures gift?

natures enemy

Man.

the most dangerous game.

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